Un tonto sin suerte

Una amiga, ligeramente avergonzada, en nuestro último encuentro de cine y café, me contó lo que le ocurrió hace algunos años. Ella, soltera, sin novio desde la última vez, aquella en que el diplomático de turno regresó a su país, había aceptado salir con un hombre, un poco mayor (como todos los del último tiempo), a quién había conocido, por accidente, en su lugar de trabajo. Aquella mañana, mientras servía un café cargado frente a la ventana del piso veinte de un moderno edificio de oficinas del distrito financiero de su ciudad, Miguel Angel, treinta y cinco años, de nacionalidad guatemalteca, haciendo uso de su elocuencia y su agradable tono de voz se presentó: 

– Mucho gusto, Miguel Angel Morales, soy funcionario del BOE, estoy aquí para un proyecto de mejoramiento de infraestructuras en servicios públicos – 

Vestía sastre completo azul oscuro, saco de dos botones, camisa blanca bien almidonada y corbata de lana del mismo color del vestido. 

– Hola, Carolina, Yo tan solo trabajo en este piso. No eres de aquí, o, ¿me equivoco? – contestó halagada por el saludo. 

Mientras respondía, notaba como el hombre no paraba de mirarla. Había funcionado la minifalda negra, las medias veladas grises con pequeñas mariposas bordadas en ellas, la blusa blanca poco escotada pero transparente y los zapatos negros de amarrar con puntas de charol brillante. A pesar de no tener accesorios se sentía linda. Esa mañana vino más temprano para entrar a la peluquería ubicada en los bajos del Edificio. Tal vez podría conocer alguien especial durante el día. 

– No, soy de Tegucigalpa, pero vivo en Estados Unidos hace más de quince años. Trabajo en las oficinas principales del BOE en Washington y viajo a los países donde cursan proyectos. 

Acercándose a ella, preguntó con seguridad: – podemos hablar más tarde? tengo pocos días en la ciudad. Este es el número de mi hotel, déjame un mensaje y te devuelvo la llamada – 

– No hace falta – se le escuchó decir con su voz aguda y tímida – llámame a este número a las 7 de la tarde y conversamos – extendiéndole una tarjeta de presentación en la cual detallaba su actividad como asesora comercial de seguros. 

Pasadas las siete de la tarde, después de tres timbres, tomó la llamada que había estado esperando todo el resto del día, y sin mediar más que el saludo, esté promisorio hombre le indica cómo llegar a un restaurante cerca, aunque no tenga noción de lo lejos que ella vive. Se encontraba reunido con funcionarios y amigos del cuerpo diplomático. Una cena informal con gente formal donde más que nada se habló de trabajo. La cena, muy de su gusto, fue servida después que a los demás comensales ya se encontraban en el postre. Unos canelones de ricota y espinaca con una ensalada cesar fue lo que alcanzó a ordenar mientras se disculpaba por su tardanza, agravada por la dificultad para conseguir un taxi y desplazarse con esas botas nuevas que aún no estaban amansadas. El lugar, parecido a cualquier otro en cualquier lugar del mundo, se trataba de una ´trattoria´ con pretensiones de restaurante elegante, una barra grande al fondo del local, y muchas mesas colocadas en forma perpendicular. 

– Gracias por venir. Lamento que no hayamos podido hablar más. Este es mi número en Estados Unidos, el próximo mes estaré de vuelta, me gustaría volver a verte. Tu compañía resultó muy valiosa, como viste, algunos venían con sus novias o esposas. -. 

Pasado el mes, que a Carolina le pareció un año, Miguel Angel escribió para informarle que dentro de dos días arribaría al país. Esta vez, decía no querer compañías. Tenía preparada una salida para el siguiente día de su llegada, algo que venía preparando desde que la conoció. No dejaba de pensar en esa minifalda, en esas botas del restaurante, en su perfume parecido al que normalmente utilizaba su hermana menor. Era un jueves, día de mucha movida en la ciudad, sobre todo por el derroche de corredores de bolsa, banqueros de inversión y extranjeros que andan por la ciudad. Los bares de moda se preparaban para hacer caja. Justo, a uno de ellos es que Carolina llegaba pasadas las ocho de la tarde, mientras él la esperaba en la barra con un vaso de whisky sour. El cantinero, después del saludo protocolario le preguntó que quería a tomar. Mientras lo hacía le parecía que ya la había 

atendido en un par de ocasiones anteriores, ambas acompañada por extranjeros. A su parecer, era una chica muy bonita y no entendía por qué razón aceptaba invitaciones de hombres a los que, se les notaba a leguas, buscaban pasar una noche con una mujer joven para al otro día volar. 

– Está indecisa, sírvale un Dry Martini por favor. – Te gusta la ginebra, y las aceitunas verdes musitó dirigiéndose a ella ? – Como Usted diga señor respondió el cantinero -. 

Ella, sin responder, miró resignada lo que pidió su acompañante. Al fin y al cabo, el trago era lo de menos, tenía la ilusión que esta persona fuese la que había estado esperando por tanto tiempo. Era importante aprovechar el tiempo, conversar, impresionar, seducir. 

– Voy al baño, no demoro – Dale, no voy a ninguna parte – 

En estos lugares los baños de mujeres suelen ser ruidosos, en ocasiones más parecidos a una cafetería o un salón de belleza. Esta vez no, se encontraba despejado, limpio, lo que permitió retocarse el maquillaje con tranquilidad. 

Al volver no distinguió con claridad a su acompañante. La barra demasiado iluminada destellaba en sus lentes de contacto. Al aproximarse, lo ubicó sentado un par de lugares hacia el lado izquierdo de donde lo había dejado. 

– Me demoré mucho ? – No lo noté, aquí está tu trago, yo he pedido otro. – 

Al ver que su acompañante le había tomado ventaja decidió apurarse el Martini en tres sorbos. Le venía bien para manejar los nervios que en eso momento la acompañaban. El sin preguntar ordenó otro de inmediato. Saúl, el camarero, lo preparó y lo puso al final de la barra. 

Que desatento, por qué no lo trae hasta acá ? – No importa, ya lo acerco 

Una vez Carolina tomó la copa en sus manos, Saúl se acercó, lo que a Miguel Angel le pareció que estaba bien, debía pedir disculpas. Al oído le susurro: 

Señorita, ese hombre ha puesto algo en su trago. No diga nada. Haga lo que le voy a indicar. Tómese estos dos shots de tequila doble, fondo blanco, no se preocupe, son cortesía de la casa. 

Ella, impactada por la situación hizo caso ante la mirada incrédula de su acompañante que permanecía al otro lado de la barra. El cantinero tenía razón, algo extraño percibió en la bebida, se sintió un poco más salado que cualquier otro Martini que hubiese tomado. Y también tenía razón con lo del tequila. Inmediatamente su estómago se revolvió como un remolino no teniendo más remedio que salir corriendo hacia el baño. No alcanzaría a llegar cuando comenzó a vomitar apartando a las personas que se encontraban en el camino. Menos mal aún el lugar no estaba lleno y el corredor que conducía al baño era amplio y libre de mobiliario. 

Una vez, pasados unos quince minutos, de vuelta del baño, Miguel Angel la esperaba con una sarcástica sonrisa. 

– Nos vamos de aquí – te encuentras bien? Vamos para mi hotel allí estarás mejor 

Sacando fuerzas del fondo de sus entrañas Carolina le propinó una cachetada que se oyó por encima de la música y el ruido de las conversaciones alrededor. Inmediatamente tomó su bolso y salió a la puerta principal subiéndose al primer taxi que pasó. Después de esto sin que pasaran más de diez segundos el cantinero manifestó: 

– Señor, el recibo de su cuenta. Ya fue descontado el valor de su tarjeta. – Pero aquí me está cobrando más. – Es por los “daños” ocasionados por su amiga. La propina también le fue cargada. Tenga Usted buena noche. – 

5,578 Replies to “Un tonto sin suerte”

  1. “Con ánimo de ofender” –Pérez Reverte, Arturo.
    Claramente la historia es de Carolina (aunque el título haga referencia a Miguel Angel). En cuanto al relato, me parece a mí, que tiene las partes en sitio: inicia declarando la idea principal “ligeramente avergonzada” que queda flotando ahí hasta que se explica en la segunda mitad. Me gustó mucho ese detalle, no sé si deliberado (ya nos lo contarás este sábado); describe suficientemente los espacios y algunos detalles que causan a momentos al relato un aire de elegancia (la trattoria aporta de otra manera).

    Es de resaltar la relación entre los espacios y el relato: me parece a mí que los espacios y los personajes pueden influir al relato (no sé hasta qué punto a la historia también). La oficina, el hotel un poco, están también los cargos y asuntos diplomáticos y los inversionistas le dan un aire medio elegantoso al relato.

    Un par de cosas, que seguro atracaré por el valor de tensión y sorpresa que percibí, son 1) esa sorpresiva situación de “ese hombre ha puesto algo en su trago” y 2) “le parecía que ya la había atendido en un par de ocasiones anteriores” no sé si llamarlo drama o misterio, esas salidas de la protagonista con extranjeros me ha dejado con un signo de admiración y pregunta. Chévere.

    El título me agrada mucho. Funciona en cuanto hace resaltar a Miguel A. (el tonto) en donde Carolina es la protagonista. También explica lo que le sucedió a Carolina (por aquello de sin suerte). Atrae. Buenísimo. Mención aparte para este personaje del funcionario que me ha parecido medio llamativo, intrigante. Hasta ahí.

    En fin, creo que es un reverenda (jajajaja) m… manera de hacer de una historia sencilla, a mi juicio, entretenida, “digerible”, y lo mejor, engancha (un poco).

    🙂

  2. Es un retrato muy bien hecho de una mujer con problemas de autoestima.
    No entendí el sentido de ese primer encuentro. ¿Para qué Miguel Angel la invita a una cena formal cuando lo que interesa es violarla? ¿El tipo es un violador no?
    Me tocó leer varias veces para entender todo el proceso del Martini, por fin logré descifrarlo, ahí se me enredan un poco las acciones en la historia.
    Con respecto al título me pregunto ¿Qué tiene de tonto Miguel Angel? Yo le pondría “Una mala noche para un delincuente”, o algo así…

    1. “¿Para qué Miguel Angel la invita a una cena formal cuando lo que interesa es violarla?” Jajajaja. Total!. En una entrevista con el autor –siempre había querido decir eso, jajajaja– me contó que su cuento es una broma. Una tomadura de pelo de un personaje ficticio que no necesita hacer “esas cosas” para conseguir “lo que quiere”. De ahí es que creo q el man se ganó, bien ganado, el título (de tonto), jajajaj. No había reparado en el efecto medio satírico (entrelíneas) que nos ha causado este cuento de Andrés. No sé si lo pensó así, (seguramente sí, por lo que hablé con él) pero, pues, ahí está.

  3. Andres.
    Para empezar el título -me parece – que es de humor negro. Tienes sarcasmo que se hace evidente al terminar de leer el relato, pero que me produce ambivalencia. La “suerte” sería que lograra su cometido?, o es que es un “tonto”por que no lo logra?. Bueno, me parece que un escritor debe causar eso que causaste: reacción, crítica, y lo logras con ese título que -para mi gusto- está bien.

    Cuando ya avanzas y después del primer párrafo, no entiendo el cambio de narrador. Al fin quien está contando la historia es el amigo, o ella…. por que cambias de primera persona a tercera, etc. Y de conjugación y de tiempos, y eso a veces confunde.

    En general, la historia me gustó: breve, efectiva, y los ambientes están bien desarrollados. Las observaciones que te hago, son debidas a que soy muy sonora, y hay palabras o situaciones que no me encajan del todo. Solo es que tengas mas cuidado con eso, por que me gusta la historia.

    Te doy un ejemplo: las siete de la tarde….. Si se supone que es un pais tropical, (asumo) son las siete de la noche….. parece una tontería, pero eso hace perder credibilidad en los lectores, que se dan cuenta.

    Otro párrafo que me produce preguntas:

    si….. “Esta vez, decía no querer compañías. Tenía preparada una salida para el siguiente día de su llegada, algo que venía preparando desde que la conoció. No dejaba de pensar en esa minifalda, en esas botas del restaurante…etc), como se explica esa contradicción?… o eso forma parte de la trampa que le estaba tendiendo.

    La escena del bar, esta bien, me gusta lo inesperado de la situación, pero también veo fallas en la conjugación de los tiempos. Si revisas bien, vas de pasado, a presente, etc. y a veces es confuso quien está hablando, por que no lo aclaras bien con los – – de los diálogos.

    Si al relato le pules mas la forma que el fondo, queda muy bueno!!. esa es mi opinión. Adelante, que tienes bastante talento.

    Leonora

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